FAQs

When first starting out in the lifestyle, you will hear this phrase many times from experienced couples. "Don't worry, it's normal to feel that way." So before you ask those questions to other couples, we have provided a number of topics that are very common and Normal to experience or see in the lifestyle.
We thought that this section might give you a heads up on all those things that are NORMAL to feel and actions and reactions that are NORMAL to do. Many couples will feel jealous when seeing their partner playing with a new partner and wondering if it is normal to feel that way. VERY NORMAL, especially your first time out.

Bringing Up The Subject Of Swinging
Normally the male partner will bring up the subject of swinging and normally after a few years of marriage or living together with a partner. Normally the reaction is "Are you f****** crazy?", "Don't you love me?", "Am I not good enough?", etc.

Most couples progress into the swinging lifestyle in small steps. Fantasies are talked about and heighten the sexual relationship between partners. Normally most couples will discuss taking their fantasies to reality over many months or even years!

It is normal to feel very scared about getting into or just jumping into the lifestyle. We recommend that couples progress slowly and go at the pace of the slowest partner.

Attending Your First Club Party or Dance
Normally the male partner is very eager to jump in and plant his seed. You will see this many times with couples whose marriage and communication skills are very weak. Expectations are normally set too high for both partners and their first experience at a dance club or party can be a big let down for one or both partners.

Normally most couples have not done enough research into the swinging lifestyle. If you have never attended a swing club or event and this is the first time both of you have been thinking about it and reading this information, you will be happy to know that you are leagues ahead of the many couples who do no research at all.

Normally first time couples have many different feelings good and bad during their first lifestyle experience. Always attend your first event with the expectation of having a good time with YOUR OWN PARTNER!

How Far Are You Willing To Go?
Normally most couples will attend their first lifestyle club or event without even discussing the limits of play. In most cases the male partner will suggest, lets just go see what happens so we can check the club out. This is a very big mistake!! Normally the male is all excited about attending and seeing what he can get his hands on while the female partner is scared to death.

What surprises most couples, is the opposite is almost true when reality takes hold at the club or party. The male partner usually has a hard time finding a new female partner to engage with, while the female takes to the lifestyle waters much quicker than the males do. We have seen this happen more times than we can remember or count. Normally the male partner will get upset that his female partner is having a much better time than he is having. The male partner will normally sit at his table getting upset and drinking too much.

Most ladies are so surprised how exciting and stimulating the new experiences are making her feel. Most men introduce the ladies to the lifestyle, but it is normally the ladies that keep their male partners in the lifestyle!

It is VERY IMPORTANT to discuss all the ground rules and what limits or levels of play both of you are willing to go. You will both regret it if you don't!

It is Normal To Be Nervous
Many new couples to the lifestyle are very nervous of making the first step to visit an adult club fearing their functions are attended by large numbers of gawkers, exhibitionists, voyeurs and sex is being performed in ever corner. Our club is very sensitive to making new couples feel at home and go to great lengths to provide a discreet and safe environment. Before attending our adult club, be sure and address any fears or questions you may have about their functions. You will be pleasantly surprised that you were not the first couple to ask the same question or had similar fears.

Couples in the lifestyle want you to join them and this could be one of the most exciting adventures you and your partner take together. We will talk or meet with you privately to discuss the lifestyle, or your fears or show you their club. Our club offers orientation nights for new couples as well. Always go at the pace of the slowest partner!

I Want Social First & He Wants Sex
Some couples will want to get to know their new partners or couples first before engaging in sex. This is normal for many couples and is a big turn on for them to know the couples first. For many other couples, the opposite is true. The big turn on is meeting a complete stranger and having hot unlimited sex before getting social.

It is normal for some couples to not want the social aspect of swinging at all. For others, the social aspect is mandatory to make them feel comfortable. Take the time to discuss what turns you both on!

Both approaches to swinging are normal, so don't feel out of place if you meet a couple with opposite views on this subject. In life, it is much easier to make your lovers into friends than your friends into lovers. In the swinging lifestyle, both situations can be true. It is very important that both of you play at the same level, if you have different views on this subject, you will not enjoy your swinging experiences together.

I Have Trouble Keeping An Erection
It is very common for many men to have trouble getting or maintaining an erection on their first few visits to an adult club or first few private parties with other couples or groups. There is nothing wrong, just many new visual sensations that are new and can effect many men. Men are very visual in their sexuality and the swinging lifestyle brings so many new exciting real life images directly in front of you, that even a minor noise or distraction can kill the moment for some men or women.

Many women who play with new men for the first time, can get a false sense of doing something wrong themselves when a man is not able to get or maintain an erection. It can be very frustrating for new ladies if they have just played with three new men at a club and all of them have troubles getting an erection. It can really make the ladies wonder if they are doing something wrong or feel they are not attracting the opposite sex.

The good news for everyone is that it is just temporary. Most men have no problem getting and maintaining an erection after they gain confidence in group settings. There are only a few men that may take a long period of time to feel comfortable with a new partner or in group environments.

Remember to be understanding with new couples. There are many new feelings and new visual stimuli that can be overwhelming to new couples and everyone reacts in different ways. As a reminder, too much alcohol will also kill the ablility to get or maintain an erection.

Lifestyle Choices
There are many important choices you MUST make in the swinging lifestyle. We thought it would be very helpful for new couples to preview what these important choices are. This is not a complete list, but we do address the most important choices you will be facing together.

Lifestyle choices are personal and every couple will make different choices that make them feel comfortable. It is extremely important that both of you set ground rules BEFORE playing in the swinging lifestyle. Most, if not all couples make changes to their choices as they feel more comfortable in the lifestyle. Don't be afraid to make changes to your ground rules, but when both of you feel comfortable and both of you aggree to change a rule.

Do we place an ad or not?
We do not recommend that you place any ads on the internet, magazines, telepersonals etc. This is not the safest or most successful method of meeting active swing couples in the lifestyle. Most couples do not advertise anywhere, they meet through adult lifestyle clubs, conventions etc. and then correspond with new playmates using the internet, chat rooms, telephone, private parties etc.

If you do decide to advertise or place an ad on the internet, or even on our forum, ensure you take lots of precautions to protect yourselves. We do have recommendations and safety guidelines that are very important to read on this forum.

What level of sexual play are we willing to go?
Both of you need to choose a comfort level in sexual play and discuss it with each other. You must both agree on the level you have chosen. Some couples only want to go to an adult club and show off their body parts. Others are only interested in the erotic dancing and touching. Many couples are looking for a sexual playmate, but no intercourse. Others are looking for the full meal deal, everything including intercourse. Never second guess or assume that your partner wants to do something that you are all ready for. Discuss it in detail and make a firm agreement. You can always agree to change your levels of sexual play at a later date. Always go at the pace of the slowest partner!

Most new couples will only play with their own partner on their first visit to a lifestyle club. This gives them a chance to feel more comfortable in the new environment and get a good feeling on the other members that attend the club. Most new couples need one or even two visits to a club before they feel very comfortable in experimenting with different partners. It is very important to take your time and ensure both of you are comfortable and ready to experiment at different levels of sexual play. Some couples are ready to jump right in, but most couples require an adustment period. Do not let any person make you feel like you have to play.

People will ask you to dance or play, which is a very nice compliment on your first night out, but just be polite and play at your comfort level. Never feel like you are dissapointing someone by saying NO or NO Thank you. Experienced couples will understand that you are new, but experienced couples will never know your comfort level if they do not ask you. Lifestyle couples are very open people, so just be honest and up front.

What are you willing to let your partner do?
Many couples pick a level of play such as soft swinging (all sexual play with NO intercourse). What if you see your partner with and person twice your age or twice as heavy or much taller or darker skinned than you. Many couples forget that personal choice can mean many different things.

All people are different in size, shape, colour, religion, sexual drive to name a few. If you gave permission for your partner to play sexually with another person such as oral sex, would seeing your partner with someone three times your age turn you off?

Variety is the spice of the swinging lifestyle. Don't be shy to try a person taller, smaller, younger, older, bisexual, different colour etc. What is very important that both of you allow your partner to choose a new playmate that is sexually appealing in what ever way turns your partner on. If you have a specific dislike for someone younger, older, larger, darker, say so before you play. Don't restrict your new partners to a ridged criteria of finding a perfect 10! You need to remind yourself that new partners are temporary, so enjoy the moment, you are not looking for a lifetime partner, just a playmate to experiment with at the moment.

Do we lie or tell the truth to get what we want?
You might think that this is a silly question, but some couples do in fact lie to other couples to get what they want from the lifestyle. We highly recommend that you tell the truth! When you lie or mislead people, it does not take too long before you are caught in a lie and other couples will spread the word about your mode of opperation.

Be honest and up front with couples and let them know specifically what both of you are looking for in the lifestyle. There are many people that will be helpful to an honest couple. Many couples want to try a BI female experience first and normally have found through writing ads, that it is very hard to turn into reality. So many couples try to find a bisexual female with little success, turn to the swinging lifestyle and lie to other couples knowing they only want the female partner. With a little research about the lifestyle and adult clubs, these requests are very easy to fulfill. The swinging lifestyle if full of bisexual females, but they normally come with a male partner. Many couples do play separate or play in mixed numbers at lifestyle clubs, so there are many opportunities to play with a bisexual lady without lying to couples.

What level of protection will we adopt?
Some couples forget that sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted by oral sex, kissing, towels, hands, hot tubs, sex toys and many more. Many couples are not aware that many STD's can be contracted, just by sharing a hot tub with other sexually active people.

STD's in the swing community are rare, but there is always a risk, so it is vital that you discuss where both of you are willing to draw the line. You could walk out your door tomorrow and be run over by a car, so it is important not to get paranoid with the issue. Many couples feel that condoms are the only answer to safe sex, but are surprised to find out that some condoms can cause STD's. Many women are sensitive to different latex or lubricants and these irritations can lead to rashes that are considered part of the STD family. 98% of all STD's are cureable, provided you seek treatment for anything that is out of place.

It is important that you practice COMMON SENSE! If anything smells bad or feels bad, stay away from it. If a hot tub does not look clean or has foam around the top, stay away from it. Use fresh towels to clean up with. Only use brand new toys with new partners. If you prefer no condoms, get to know the couple or get a good indication from others and your intuition! Our bodies have a great ability to provide us with a sixth sense or gut feeling about people. Trust your first impressions.

Do we use our real names or make some up?
We highly recommend that you use your real first names, unless you are highly visible through your name and could cause harm to your family income. If you only provide your first names with no other related data, both of you and the people around you will feel more comfortable. We have several couples with the same names in our clubs.

If you tell couples that Bill & Hana and you live in a very remote community, some couples you do not like could travel to your little village or community and asks for Bill & Hanna, the entire village will probably direct them to your house. Every couple must determine if they have unique names or if giving your names out could cause you any harm. Some couples who are extremely well known or have a sensitive profession, will rarely play in the same city or region that they live for fear of their clients, neighbors or co workers not understanding their lifestyle could lose their job or hurt their business if the word got out.

99% of all swingers respect personal privacy in the lifestyle community. We know some couples that have several false names, primarily because they have caused numerous problems with other couples and the word gets out to stay away from Bill & Hanna, so they change names again and again. We estimate that 98-99% of all couples in the swinging lifestyle use their real first names when meeting new people.

What fantasies do you want filled?
It is very important and fun to discuss your fantasies with each other. A large part of the swinging lifestyle is to ad some fun to your already great relationship. Seeing your partner have a fantasy fulfilled is worth all the tea in China! All too often, we forget that life is really short. Enjoy the lifestyle and have fun with it.

Some people are not comfortable talking dirty to their partner or wearing lingerie or performing oral sex or having anal sex. Since these things are the favorites of others, the lifestyle gives both of you the opportunity to enjoy your erotic favorite turn on with new partners. Sharing these experiences with or beside your partner can be very stimulating and rewarding for many years down the road.

Should we play together or separate?
We highly recommend that new couples play in the same room with their new partners. Some couples are very comfortable to play in different rooms right from day one, but half the fun of the swinging experience is also watching your partner have a great time with a new sexual playmate. Playing together in the same room also provides the opportunities to engage in threesomes and foursomes. As you both progress in the swinging lifestyle, you will find added fun playing in separate rooms and hearing or telling the stories of your adventures after the party.

A number of lifestyle couples will meet other couples that they match very well with and will actually exchange partners for a night, weekend, vacation etc. You need to feel very comfortable with your partner and new playmates before playing at this level.

The Swinging Lifestyle
This lifestyle is not for every person or couple and many couples will venture in and out of swinging many times during their lifetime. There has been a very large increase of couples who are curious or have entered the swinging lifestyle over the past few years and the internet has enabled many couples to connect with others who have similar interests in sex or sexual play.

If this is your first time reading about the swinging lifestyle, this web site was created with a primary focus of informing new couples about all the aspects of the lifestyle and empowering them with the information to help them enjoy the lifestyle safely and achieving the most fun out of it.

Progression In The Lifestyle
Many singles or couples will fantasize about playing sexually with more than one partner or sharing their partner with others. Sexual play or fantasies usually increase over time in the bedroom or outside the bedroom.

Adult movies and fantasies can heighten the excitement of trying something or someone new. Many couples experiment a great deal at home over the years and can lead to interests in spicing up the sexual play with other partners.

Most couples and singles when they first become interested or involved in swinging, place ads in various publications or on the internet in an attempt to meet exciting, sensuous people like yourselves who are interested in the same or similar lifestyle activities. Usually you get a number of responses and spend a great deal of time talking with or meeting the people who, on paper at least, interest you.

However, in the majority of cases, the people that you talk to or meet in person either don't meet your expectations or you don't meet theirs. The biggest disappointment about this form of meeting new couples or singles is that many people will lie or distort many facts about themselves to get what they want. This method of contacting singles and couples is also very time consuming, expensive and risky.

Couples benefit by having access to significantly more people at one party than they could ever achieve by advertising. Also at significantly less cost!

Once couples feel more comfortable in our club they will start to experiment in fulfilling their fantasies one by one. There are hundreds of fantasies with thousands of variations, this is what makes the love of the lifestyle so exciting. Every new partner is different and plays different.

Conclusion
Every person or couple is different in thousands of ways from each other and the level of play or experimentation they choose to get involved with in the lifestyle can be as different from the next person. This lifestyle is not for every person or couple. Thousands of Irish adults enjoy the swinging lifestyle in some form or another. We truly hope that you will take the time to become more informed about swinging and see if this is a hobby worth pursuing. If BOTH of you are very sexually active at home and are eager to experiment with other sexually liberated couples, the swinging lifestyle might be your perfect playground.

For details please call 087 185 4488